so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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