Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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