she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
