Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
