i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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