I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
