Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
