i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize