god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
