just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
