I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
