its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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