Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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