New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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