The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
please don't ironically join a cult
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