You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
