I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize