i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
