did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
