Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
