some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
