I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
