i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
