Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
