after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
