yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
My pussy is not your playground.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
