i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
A bitchslap is in order.
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