Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
