hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
