I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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