just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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