the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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