Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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