I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
