Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
