I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Randomize
