I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
