John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
