You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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