I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize