Yo dont text me then not text me
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
