Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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