I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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