i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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