so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Less talking, more tequila
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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