i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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