I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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