just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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