just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize