No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
