why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
