I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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