I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
