How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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