This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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