Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
