tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
