I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
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