my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
sex in a hospital.. check
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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