CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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