He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
