question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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