hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
