when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
